My manager's a sadist
A total utter tw@t
Can't believe I'm a tax analyst
And haven't had the sack

Andersen f#cked Enron's accounts
And pocketed a payoff
Employees' futures were cast in doubts
And they made a 30% lay off

So Redundancy I did volunteer
But they wouldn't let me quit
They said the firm held me dear
What a load of sh1t

'Your Japanese would be missed'
A lame excuse, be assured
Haven't spoken it for years except when p1ssed
And hijacked a tourist's skate-board!

They imprisoned me, I had to stay
They thought they'd rid me in September
There'd be no need for statutory pay
Nor any other payoff to tender

So my manager became an @rse
And gave me loads of cr@p
His allegations were a total farce
He wants to give me the sack

'Your leather trousers don't suit this profession'
I answered back, he got redder and redder.
I told him that it wasn't for fashion
But to protect me from the paper shredder!

I filed a divider an incorrect colour
He had a fit - it was pathetic
His explanation was no less duller
Than 'it isn't suitably aesthetic'

Then I got b0llucked again
When my post-it note wasn't straight
And once I used the wrong colour pen
I obviously can't control my fate

But those pedantries don't go on my report
Dividers and post-its left out of the tale
Instead they write, to cut it short
'Helen ignores small detail'

My manager's being irrational
Its total utter cack
Calls me unprofessional
And threatening the sack

His head's so big it looks absurd
Upon his spindly body
He waddles like a penguin bird
And looks a bit like Noddy

With social skills, he's very lax
Terribly serious and awfully staid
Bet his wardrobe's full of anoraks
Must be months since he got LAID!

He makes his staff all defiant
And drives them all insane
They wish he'd go see a c1ient
Or go out and spot a train!

My manager's pedantic
And talks a load of cr@p
It's driving me frantic
I wish I'd get the sack

Our pay review is over due
Andersen's cancelled any bonus
We'd be better off in the dole queue
Or if a head-hunter would phone us

I'd spend my days on a real long lunch
On good old income support
I'd no longer have to number crunch
Without even cutting my salary short

I'd maybe miss free stationary
Or calling mum on the office phone
But I could lie in till half past three
And freeze repayments on my loan

My manager's a sadist
On whom the world should have sh@t
I'm no longer a tax analyst
Cos I've given myself the sack!

I've handed in my resignation
Before I'm humiliatingly fired
I'm suddenly filled with elation
Off to get thoroughly WIRED!

RIGHT NOW, I'M GONNA BAIL
AS SOON AS I CLICK 'SEND'
COS WHEN MY BOSS CHECKS HIS MAIL
HE'LL GO RIGHT ROUND THE BEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On leaving here I'm gonna run
Run run very far
Not going to think 'what have I done!'
Until I reach a bar

And there I'll order pink champagne
And drink to poor Andersen staff
My boss will be going madly insane
But I'll sit and sip and drink and laugh

(these views are mine not the firms)

Well, the only thing I'm going to miss about this profession is telling
people I'm a 'taxi driver' because of its phonemic resemblance to the term
'tax advisor'. But no time to dwell, the afternoon is young and I'm
a-leavin'. Please accept this as a viable excuse not to personally notify
you that this e-mail address will be no longer be active. Most of you have
my non work e-mail. If not, it shouldn't be too hard to find.

For those of you in London it would be lovely if you could come and help me
embrace the world of unemployment. After I do like Elvis and leave the
building (apologies to flatmates for shamelessly usurping the phrase), past
the plastic blue cow at the entrance, affectionately named 'Blue Moo', I am
going to head to Gordon's wine bar right outside Embankment Tube - my fave
bar. (no drunkard steeple-chasing this time I promise!) You'll see me,
I'll
be the p1ss head sitting in a corner on my own with pink champagne.


BYE
Helen
With lurrrrve
X

It's never a good idea to make an employee work their notice and then give
them sweet jack diddley poo to do. That's how you get Creative Accountants